Old email interviews
what ain't posted elsewhere.

Orange Juice Brigade, 6/5/04

How do you define nerdcore? 

Nerdcore is some serious shit. I mean, it's a real no-fucking-around kind of word. It's like duct tape on the glasses because medical tape just isn't sticky enough. It's like a gigaflop cobbled from TRS-80s in parallel. Do you have any idea how many TRS-80s that would take? And the kind of networking equipment you would have to quite literally invent before it was possible? I don't either. Nerdcore is fetish expertise. Nerdcore is a salient meme. Nerdcore is freedom.

 Are there any other rappers or musicians that could be classified nerdcore? 

Sure! MC Chris and MC Stephen Hawking are the nerdcore rappers who are more famous than I am. They both rule; you should interview them often. When I thunk up the term as a musical genre designation I was looking more towards They Might Be Giants and Ween. You could probably come up with a dozen others -- go on alt.2600.something.or.other and start a thread asking what everyone's favorite bands are.

What, exactly, is fronting? 

Surely you could look this up in some kind of hip-hop phrasebook instead of wasting precious interview questions. 

Do you front on a regular basis? 

A lot, yes, but irregularly. Like sometimes off to the left, sometimes under cover of night, etc.

Which of your songs is your favorite? 

 My songs are like my children. Each one breaks my heart as it leaves home, and I could never choose just one, at least not publicly. Actually that's not true. When I don't have a good answer to an interview question I crib from old Tom Waits interviews.

How often do you listen to your own music? 

Only when I'm drunk. I mean really drunk. Over the course of recording and mixing a song, I get so deeply familiar with it that there's almost nothing left to interest me. All I can hear are the parts that didn't come out quite right. But for some reason when I'm wasted it all sounds fresh and new and I'll put on my headphones and be all like "did I make that? I remember making that! that sounds rad!!" Which suggests that my taste also takes a bit of a dive when I'm on the bottle.

Which CD is in your stereo right now? 

None. My stereo is packed, and I'm on a plane to france, which is a round-about way of moving from San Francisco to Brooklyn. Right before I left I (finally) ripped my entire CD collection so I don't have to carry those goddamn things around any more. The only CDs in my life these days are data CDRs and mix tapes that people make me. I love it when people make me mix tapes. Also, I love calling them mix tapes even though they are CDs. I am probably going to talk like Mr. Burns by the time I'm 40 -- I'm already bordering on that level of crustiness.

Is Badd Spellah your new DJ? What happened to DJ CPU? 

I just scrapped DJ CPU in preperation for my move (I am on a laptop from now on). Gasp! I took a good picture of him before his passing, which I will post in my gallery eventually. Baddd Spellah can be my beatmeister for ever and ever as far as I'm concerned, as he is talented and prompt.

Finish this line: The OJB... 

The OJB... the OGJUB... damnit... the OJBECKT... oh for crying out loud, the OBJECT!! Sorry, I have dyslexia today. 

Write a rhyme about the Orange Juice Brigade. 

The Orange Juice Brigade is very peely
They drive around in cars that are unseemly in their squealy-
ness. 

How's it banging? 

Is that some kind of cool kid slang? 

Favorite video game? 

Lode Runner (C64). Also Worms World Party is an endless source of fun. I play some gunbound. I found Prince of Persia Sands of Time to be almost immaculate in its execution. Looking forward to the next GTA.

How long do you think you could play Pong for? 

I don't remember whether it was easy or hard. Does it get harder as you go along? If not then I could probably play it until I fell asleep or until there was a fire or other emergency that forced me to evacuate the gaming location. 

If you could succesfully murder a color, which color would you choose? 

 I harbor ill will towards no specific hue, but I think silver and orange are kind of snotty for refusing to rhyme with any other words in the English language.

And lastly, how many chicks do you get? 

Fewer than you'd think. 

Mat Honan, 2/10/03

> 1. What exactly is nerdcore hip hop?

A salient meme. I love that phrase, "salient meme!" It is so specific and precise. Still it sounds like gibberish to almost anyone. You can safely assume that nerdcore hiphop is the next big thing, and by that I don't mean that it's a thing that is going to be big or popular soon (or next). I do mean: the next big thing is a salient meme. It is the idea of the band or trend that is poised but usually peters out instead of taking the world by storm. I wonder often who peter is or was and why his poor stamina became famous. I feel a kinship with him since my name is also a verb! Actually it is a phrase with a verb in it. I would like to state for the record that even though I learned the word meme, I do not endorse the French.

> 2. How did you get hooked up with CPU?

I purchased him at Central Computing in downtown San Francisco.

> 3. Does it feel good to be a gangsta?

Next time I walk past one on 24th street, I'll ask.

> 4. Have you had any interest from record companies?

None whatsoever. I think it's because I post fabricated interviews on my site; the A&R people peek in there and say "Oh, Vibe already interviewed him." Those guys are trying to scratch lottery tickets; you don't find winning ones that already have the wax off. And if you don't read the Vibe thing carefully, you can't tell that it's a Snoop interview where I just wrote in my own answers. Then there's this whole other possibility which is that I suck and nobody would want to distribute recordings of me ever for any reason.

> 5. Are you worried that doing an interview might hurt your indie cred?

Man, I sure hope so. It's going to take at least another hundred internet fans before I get the balls together to start gigging. I am not so interested in indie music as I was when I was college DJ, but I remain fascinated by the overlap between the pathetic nobody and the supercool. I also have a tiny and special feeling when I buy some internet rockstar's CDR from sharingmachine.com and blast it in my car with little to no chance of hearing the same album playing in any adjacent cars. Otherwise, I am a big fan of pop music. It's a beautiful art form all its own. Not just songs that wind up as hits, but the whole crafting of radio music towards maximum appeal. It's true that people with good ears are likely to find more they appreciate in the vast underground, but that's just a math problem: there's high volume and variety floating around underneath the public radar, there's very limited room at the top. It's also true that really smart music (the favorite genre of critics and snobs) appeals to the smallest population of record buyers. But being fiercely indie, hating something for its broad appeal, being anti-pop...it's both funny and tragic how desperately that type of person is clutching at his or her tastes. On the other hand, I'd like to stand up in favor of the snobbery enjoyed by MC Frontalot fans. They have demonstrated superior abilities in the field of music appreciation, on top of which they are sexier than normal music fans and have faster internet connections.

> 6. Have you been distributing exclusively via mp3?

This is true, yes. I'll make a cdr for my friends sometimes.

>Do you know how many times your tracks have been downloaded?

Not really. Interest has been moderate to low lately. I know that my bandwidth got iffy after the high-traffic web comic Penny Arcade took notice of a song called Yellow Lasers, and the monthly draw continues to be up around my 12 GB limit. Right now the tracks are hosted offsite because I wouldn't be able to handle traffic spikes (which happen when certain sites link me). People trade them around a bit too, maybe; I'll never know how often.

> 7. What was it like working with the KOMPRESSOR, and how did that happen?

We both were hanging around Song Fight, which will go down in history as one of the awesomest web sites ever conceived. We may be able to delay that historicity if Narbotic (the host band) decides to get it running again, but anyhow... KOMPRESSOR wrote me email in his fractured English demanding my skills. I was a fan already, so I said sure!@!!!@! We did the whole thing over the wires using MP3s. I sent his beat back with his music bed in one ear and my vocal in the other, then he put it back on tape and added even more synthesizer might and mixed it. Only ever talked on the email, until months later when he was driving through town and he stopped by for doughnuts. I ate two glazed, he just crushed his. A nice fellow.

> 8. Are you 1337?

w0rd. By the way, I can't stand "w3rd," that's not good spelling. I ran a 1200 baud BBS on my Commodore 64, which I decided was elite when I was about 12. It was up 24 hours and had all the stuff that belonged on those boards back then: tone generator diagrams, phreaking guides, coding and carding guides, more supposedly 0-day warez than you could shake a an Epyx fastload cartridge at. I had the coolest possible thing to have, which was an SFD 1001. It stored an entire meg (like a hundred cracked commodore games) on one floppy. I ran UES of course. It proclaimed proudly at the front gate: no LAMERZ, L0SERZ, or R0DENTZ! You were supposed to say also N0 L0CALZ!! but half the people on there were my friends from Berkeley elementary schools so I couldn't. I haven't been very hax0rlicious lately, but if you've ever been as elite as I was, you know that it takes many, many years to wear off.

> 9. How did you get started in the hip-hop game?

By hassling my friends' until they sort of let me join their hip-hop band Freakshow Archie (an offshoot of their funk band called Dorothy's Not Home). Probably I never performed. Maybe once. Then in college I was in a duo called Devil Card. We gave many concerts to an audience of Al's bong and a beer spill. We were successful in carrying on press interviews as if we were a major band on campus. I carry forward that proud tradition of connivance and duplicity.

> 10. Dance Dance Revolution. Freak, or weak?

Are those my only two options? I love watching. I can't do intermediate level, much to my shame; it makes me stumble around like a battered goat.

> 11. Do you think it's possible for a musical artist to achieve
> recognition in the popular culture via Internet distribution? In other
> words, can the 'Net make you famous, yo?

Sort of! If you are famous on the internet you may be written about on pages 1 and 2 of the entertainment section of any local newspaper, or in the fluff sections of any number of news, entertainment, or "personality" magazines, or featured on short segments airing on low-rent cable chanels. No other media will pay any attention to you. This is because every feature about internet phenomenons is exactly the same: it goes "look at this thing on the internet! It's the kind of thing people email to each other!" And then on to the weather or book reviews. Think of that woman who wants web surfers to pay her credit card debt, or Mahir, etc, etc. The worst of lazy filler coverage. You are removed from this cultural backwater only when you make records and sell them successfully or build a large live following or both. Neither is the result of giving away music on the internet. You do occasionally get nice people asking for email interviews, and you get all kinds of weirdos who happen upon you by accident and think your songs kick ass. That's how much recognition I've been grooving on so far.

> 12. What kind of rig do you use to record with? (hardware and
> software, please)

WinXP, Cool Edit Pro, a Delta 1010 sound card, a cheapo Behringer mixing board and a Sennheiser MD421-U-4.

> 13. Are you planning a tour so you and your fans can MIRL?

Just because I don't seem to be planning anything, doesn't mean I'm to be trusted. A tour could erupt at any time. Likely stops: Burlington, VT, and a warehouse in Oakland. Maybe one of the bars down the street here in the Mission. Keep your nose poked firmly into frontalot.com if you'd like to find out.

Calicogirl, 4/1/02

01. Do you have any pets? If so, what are their genus', species', names and ages?

yes, 1, Lampropeltis calligaster calligaster (prairie king snake), Vance, 6 yrs.

02. Which table did you sit at in the high school cafeteria?

I was a nerd in high school but only complete retards ate in the cafeteria. I mean really, you had to have a hunch back or an extra leg or something.

03. Who would win in a fist fight - Wicket or R2D2?

I don't know who Wicket is. I will pretend that you asked who would win a fist fight: R2D2 or Twiki (from Buck Rogers). I think Twiki holds the distinct advantage of actually having fists.

04. Have you ever had a crazy roommate? Please elaborate.

The whole thing is a little too traumatic to get into here, but let's just say you never want to leave airplane tickets lying around until AFTER you've collected her share of the rent.

05. When are you going on tour?

Soon as I get a live show together. And a DJ, and a band, and some trucks I guess, and a roadie, and a booking agent. And some fans.

06. Will you come to Wisconsin? (You only need to stop in Madison, the rest of Wisconsin sucks.)

When I was little my uncle took me to the Dells and I rode the waterslides. I believed for many years that I had gone through a waterslide with a covered turn where slide riders got all the way onto the ceiling, over and around, executing a corkscrew. I understand now that this memory was a thin gruel of exaggeration and fantasy. Was that your question?

07. What are your favorite websites?

I like the same ones everyone else likes: onion, spark, modern humorist, slashdot, plastic, memepool. I also recommend somesongs, stoopidpigeon, nerdslut, disinfo, and vector lounge.

08. Who are your biggest musical influences?

Tom Waits, Soul Coughing, Del, De La Soul.

09. What is your favorite snack?

White cheddar popcorn and spicy V8.

10. What is the difference between a nerd and a geek? Is there a venn diagram involved?

When you've gotten as far along in life as I have, you come to find that there's ALWAYS a venn diagram involved.

Fully Clothed Teens, 4/21/01

1 : Well, we may as well get started on a somewhat formal note. What made you want to become a rapper?

I never wanted to become a rapper. However, I felt obligated to become one after discovering that there were no other rappers currently working. In terms of the whole music industry, that's a pretty big vacuum. You could say I was sucked in.

2 : How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck left train station B at 60 MPH, headed toward Chicago?

My lawyer has counseled me not to answer trick questions.

3 : Why do you feel that you're the master of nerdcore hip hop? Don't get me wrong, I think you're wholly deserving of the title.

Thanks! Technically, my title is Great and Exalted Grand Master of All That Is Nerdcore Hiphop, but close enough. As to why... well, I wear corrective lenses, with a second pair for reading. My DJ is a central processing unit. I sample They Might Be Giants and THX-1138 in the same song. But the real reason is: in high school, all the cool rappers wouldn't let me hang out with them. Cliquish shits.

4 : Who would you say are your main influences as an MC?

I draw on a wide array, from the light-hearted clowning of Flavor Flav all the way to the hardcore underground sounds of Vanilla Ice.

5 : if "y" is how many times i throw up after the average MC Frontalot concert, what is the value of "x"? You know, using that weird ratio.

There is no such thing as an "average" MC Frontalot concert, but in northern california the value of x has remained steady at $25 a cap. Also, if you throw up, you're doing it wrong.

6 : What is your favorite movie, book, and food?

Rappin' starring Mario Van Peebles, Roget's Thesaurus Second Edition, and Black Fauxrest Ham!(tm) fortified tofu product.

7 : Situation #1: Communistan has decided to invade the US. Because Communists have always had a flair for funkyness, the only thing that can stop them is an MC that can truly rock the mic. You are allowed three records to sample, three records to simply play, and three songs to cover. What records are you going to choose to impress the commies?

An excellent question! Believe it or not, this exact scenario has already occurred. Despite a total press blackout, my patriotic efforts during the ordeal earned me the respect of many tru headz within the US intelligence community. These were the song choices with which I saved world capitalism:
Samples - Funky Drummer, Superfreak, Sting's Jaguar commercial
Records - The Revolution Will Not Be Televised, If I Ruled The World, We Didn't Start The Fire
Covers - Powerpuff Girls theme, 99 Red Balloons, Give Peace a Chance

8 : Who's your favorite member of the A Team?

Face, duh.

9: How many notes does it take you to name that tune?

I can name that tune in any negative number of notes. Which is to say, I play the notes and you have to do the tune naming.

10 : What is your favorite soft drink?

Spicy V8

11 : What is your position on kicking it old school?

For.

12: If you saw Fred Durst on the street, would you push him down?

The fickle tastes of adolescent fans will push him down soon enough. I'd trip him.

13 : Situation #2: After winning a raffle you don't recall entering, a movie is to be made about your life. Who is the director? The star? How much money do you think it would make?

Directed by Sam Raimi from a script by the Cohen Bros. Starring a CGI of Crispin Glover and Savion Glover morphed together. It would make $575 million but cost roughly twice that to produce and distribute.

14 : Who would you want as guest stars on the soundtrack of said movie?

Nas, Blackalicious, 2 Skinnee J's, Tom Waits, James Kochalka, Bjork, Dionne Warwick, KISS. And the whole gang from songfight!

15 : What's your favorite video game of all time?

Lode Runner (C64)

16 : What do you prefer: Coffee, Tea, or Salt?

I would like to ignore your question and launch into an anecdote. One night in college, in Connecticut where it snows, I was walking back from Dunkin Donuts with my homie Shai-tan, who was the other half of a rap band I was in at the time called Devil Card. We had gotten our late-night fix of sweet light large coffees and egg & cheese sandwiches to go but Al couldn't wait and was trying to negotiate his meal while walking. "She better have given me horseradish," he said, "I asked her specifically." He had the sandwich balanced open on his elbow, and he was digging deep in the to-go bag, but each time he got ahold of something it turned out to be a salt packet. After fishing for several minutes he had retrieved eight salts. Nothing remained but napkins. "I can't believe it!" said Shai-tan, "not even a ketchup! Bitch gave me nothing but salt!" From then on if you were 'giving me salt' it meant you were giving me a hard time, and if you were 'giving me nothing but salt' it meant you sought a punch in the head.

17: What's your favorite geometric shape?

The dopedecahedron. Least favorite: the wacktangle.

18 : Situation #3: You get a letter in the mail for jury duty. At the bottom, it says that if you don't want to be on the jury, you can participate in a secret study. Naturally, you choose the latter. The study involves being locked in a small room with 5 other people for 6 weeks. Who are your five people? (bearing in mind that killing people for food is an option)

Dom DeLuise, Marlon Brando, Sammo Hung, the Nutty Professor. Oh, and Wolfgang Puck.

19 : If you were to be portrayed as a sock puppet, how would you want to look?

Like Yook's fantabulous Doctor Monkey.

20 : Considering your name, how can I be sure you told the truth on the preceding questions?

My lawyer has indicated that I'm obligated to answer only 19 questions.