MC Frontalot
Rhyme of the Nibelung

I got invited to go see The Ring; I thought it
were probably a musical aboot hobbits.
Started out promisingly enough:
little fellow running ‘round and there was trees & stuff,
and a shelter from a storm, and a girl it seems,
though the dialogue don’t make no sense to me,
and her husband come out, he look a little menacing.
says he gonna eat you like a little piece of venison
when it’s um... morning I guess? I’m confused.
Does the wife know the hero? There seems to be clues.
There’s a sword in a tree. Why’s a tree in the house?
Did she slip her man a mickey? How come Siggy don’t get aus?
How come neither of ‘em making for the hills right now?
As for brothers loving sisters, isn’t this disallowed?
Isn’t this kinda how bad fates come about?
I’m gonna need an intermission just to figure it out.

How here comes poppa, he’s the one-eyed jack.
(Brünnhilde is the daughter with the armor on her rack.)
Does he lack in discretion? He backs up quick.
Daddy Wo don’t ever seem to step to Ma Frick.
She got him by the thick of the beard, she’s insistent;
but the subtitles flickered and I missed it.
Odin doesn’t get to get his son killing dragons?
(Still sounds like a job for the elder Baggins.)
He can’t even incite his daughter to fix fights?
I’m about to go to sleep in my seat, alright?
‘cause the music’s hella stupid it don’t got no beats
and that’s the 22nd time I heard the leitmotif
and I cite no grief but opera ain’t for me;
it’s for the kinda people yo who listen to the CBC
and sip on tea, and read up on the paper.
Another intermission coming: I’m gonna be the great escaper...

Sneaking out the lobby, I got ushed by an usher.
Showed me to my row and he reminded me to hush up.
I settled in waiting for the boredom to commence,
definitely unprepared for what’s next.
When the strings set in and the horns come chasing
it’s kind of like I just got rewarded for my patience.
This is more like it. This I could keep:
ladies in helmets who ride eight deep.
Grooving down in the seat, I’m rocking & squirming.
Even almost got over the fact that they’re talking in German.
I’m learning I might even have to come back.
Wonder if they sell a ticket for just the third act?
Asked on the way out, did I follow? I say, “sort of,
and I gotta say I’m glad it weren’t the Rings that there’s a Lord of.
Saw a lot of similarities but I’m pretty sure
that this was an adaptation of Star Wars.”

Most popular versions of this song
STUDIO| 00:02:27 | MP3 | #
Concocted for a CBC radio remix contest for Ride of the Valkyries.
Beats: Baddd Spellah | The Ring by: Richard Wagner
posted on 2006-09-12